We all have critics. Constructive or otherwise . They’re there to throw your failures to your face and whatever places of concern they claim to come from, a constant reminder of how bad the fall was before you get back up just doesn’t cut it. It’s suffocating.
Now let’s have it not be constructive, you can block the person right, stop talking to them? Cancel all their toxic energy out of your life and finally be at peace. But what happens when the critic is that voice in your head?
What happens when you can’t mute or end it? What happens when it keeps going on endlessly like a broken record?
Waiting for you to get halfway in just to knock you down yet again.
Do you then opt to cancel yourself or will you tone it all the way down with the trust?
Easy approach would be to say your fear of rejection holds you back, but what if it’s your fear of yourself ? What if its just that you can’t trust you? I mean think about it: why would you confide in someone that continually tears you down? That is why I hold back. That is how I get in my way
I may need or think I need validation and I’d be lying if I said being rejected hasn’t pierced me because I have the scars to show for it and however painful it is to be left in the cold like that it hurts like a blunt knife and the cuts carry hope they will heal. When the critic is in your head and it isn’t somebody you can let go of it’s different,it’s difficult and it’s hard. The critic in your head plunges into you like a sharp knife. She goes to the cuts from the blunt knife and opens them up,she buries your voice so deep you don’t even know you can speak anymore,filtering everything to look put together is more your alley and everyone comes in first so you compromise time and time again. How do you even begin to accept that there’s a part of yourself that isn’t rooting for you ? How can you ever find it on you to love that part of yourself ever?
The critic comes from a place of love. It’s misguided and it reeks of insecurity but under that disguise there is love. Plunging into you more than anyone else ever could is treacherous but then it equips you to come back from all those blunt cuts unscathed and maybe stronger?
Her consistency numbs your pain so you can learn the lessons
She shelters you by pushing you to extremes that could end you so the world never has more power over you like that and making you your only obstacle somehow protects you, and in some twisted maze that counts as love .